Momma Hanscom said "Start a blog so i can keep up" so i am. And this is me doing so.

So as of this we're in Pennsylvania which is apparently also Jesusland... I also just saw a tepee. What the fuck is going on in Pennsylvania?

It was raining balls as we started driving at 5am this morning to a mixCD appropriately titled "For Road Trippin (Also For Sexy Times)" and then after that 80 minutes or so i think we may have made it to connecticut or damn close. As it turns out, until you see large bodies of water or palm trees you feel like your in the same god damn state. Even though you're in Jesusland, or So Nyack. Ed brought it to my attention that we should have realized that this place was jesusland as soon as we crossed the border and saw the first town was Bethlahem. I also believe PA was where all the Quakers stuck it out as the entire rest of the eastern seaboard closed their doors to them. I could be wrong, if there's a correction to be made, you should probably get on that shit. Anyway, for the second time this month i saw my best friend pee in a cup. The first time was on the way home from North Carolina when he peed in an *EMPTY* apple juice bottle. He filled it up, and admittedly it looked the same as when it was full with apple juice. And also, that time he wasn't driving through a downpoor. So, the only empty water holding container that was easily grabbable and easy to chuck out the window was a coffee cup. What scared me about this was that when he emptied the coffee cup out the window i got splashback on my face and belongings. With coffee this is acceptable with Piss... notsomuch. However, he sets himself up with a shirt over his 'belongings' (so to speak) and let's loose into the cup. The weather could not have found a better time to give us a washout condition. Mid piss, while driving, vision get's blocked completely for seconds at a time when finally the car ahead of us reemerges. This happens several times (i'm going with about five times) and we give an even bigger distance between us and the car ahead of us and it eventually stops happening with more and more distance.
Then we begin hydroplaning. Awesome. I can only imagine what pissing in a cup is like in a moving car (still yet to do it, we'll see how later/tomorrow/day after/beyond goes) but now imagine it while trying to not kill everyone in the car. Jerking the Wheel... with your penis laying in a cup. Awesome.
Anyway, obviously we're still alive, and obviously ed did not lose his most important body part (i mean, it's not the most important to me, but... okay it's the most important to me) but he finishes his Bid-ness and the window goes down, i lean as far to the opposite side of the car as i can... then i see the lid on it... but i'm still TERRIFIED. He chucks it. I shut my eyes tighter than if i was any one of the characters in The Poltergeist. (I should watch that again...). Then i open them, and ed says something like "Dude, did you see that?" "Sure," I say. "I think i almost pegged that car"

Honestly, i was expecting to look out the back drivers side window and see a big translucent yellow being slowly faded away by the aforementioned washout conditions.

So the good news is, i think there's an ACTUAL piss break coming up. Val's been asleep for a while now, and i've been in and out of sleep myself. Ed just figured out how to use the cruise control, which means we probably won't die since he's at a steady speed. Oh look, we're really stoppin now in jesusland.

-Ryan