We got Blog Lazy. Having good times though.

So it's saturday now. Yesterday was our big day at Comic Con and needless to say it was awesome and I really hope we get to come back next year. Hopefully for more days too, the one day really just made things too busy to try and get done what you wanted to get done, especially where you're lost around the convention center for most of the time. The first thing we did, and more or less I mean me and Val since we barely saw ed all day for some reason, was go see Batman: The Brave and the Bold Panel at 10AM with Deidrich Bader from the Drew Carey Show. They showed a new episode which was pretty hilarious and pretty silly as it is a childrens show. And then the panel talked for a bit and took questions. The real highlight was Bader (THe Deids!) talking about how during voicing one episode he began crying in the studio. He said, without giving too much away, that in the episode Batman gets some closure and he put his head down and started crying and was said "This means a lot to Bruce." Seriously, this was a great start to our Comic Con endeavor. After that we walked around, found Ed for a few, then lost him again. We found Hall H so we could see the Disney panel with Pixar and Miyazaki among other great animators only to find that the line for this hall was about as populated as the Coachella festival or Ozzfest or something. So we turned around and met Ed at the same hall as Batman to see Robert Rodriguez BE AWESOME.

He was there promoting his new family film Shortz which no one really showed up to see that movie, but just be in the room with a Legend like Rodriguez was pretty awesome. I tried to get a picture of him, or with him, but it didn't work out. However, out of nowhere Danny Trejo came out and hugged him and said "Hey man, I gotta go." and i got a sort of picture of him. Then Ed was sticking around that room for the DC booth that would be going on next, and me and Val got in line for Dollhouse about an hour early because that was the only way to get in. On the way to the extensive line that started outside and ran the length of the building and then inside and ran back down the length of the building, we found Danny Trejo in walking in front of us. Which was hilarious and we followed him all the way to the line we were getting in. Danny is hilarious because the two people he was with (Wife and Son? Daughter and her boyfriend?) were incredibly well dressed, and Danny was wearing a giant white shirt and denim shorts and high as hell white socks. Either way, Awesome.
I also think that we were close to the last people who did make it in. Ed, however, did not make it in. Which was sad. But he got tied up in buying his awesome exclusive action figure. And me and Val got to be confused by the never before seen Dollhouse season finale that is being released on the DVD and BluRay. The problem is I don't think me or Val had seen the 12th episode and therefore the 13th episode was a real mindfuck. Then people started asking questions about Dollhouse and 90% of them were silly as hell questions. They were either too involved with the Tech or too involved with asking inane 'what if' questions. One person asked Eliza Dushku, if she were on Firefly what position would she play? She said to ask Joss and Joss said 'Missionary'. Someone else asked if the device used in Dollhouse could be used with people in vegetative states and prolong their life, or something and it was extremely in depth. Joss just raised his eyebrow, "You're Hired!" Then they brought on the geek tech guy Topher on the show and the beautiful Asian girl from the show, and i think i mostly just stared up at the screen at her. And then was confused when Topher spoke with a silly accent.

This ended at about 6. So we went back down to the booths and Val wanted art supplies and soon enough it was announced that there was only 30 minutes before the booths closed. They closed at 7, we spent a half hour looking for Ed where he said he would be, then headed toward art supplies with 30 minutes left, and at this point i was like VAL, I'LL BE OVER THERE. It got intense looking for good purchases, my favorite booth, which i finished up at some 5 minutes before the thing ended, was Oni Press who publishes the Scott Pilgrim books, and i spent like 60 bucks there on awesomeness including a Scott Pilgrim T-shirt.

After not finding ed at the booths we told him we would meet him at Rifftrax Live in room 6DE and we did meet up with him at that line. However the line wrapped around from the etrance of the room to the Exit of that part of the building...and kept wrapping. We said fuck that. and headed down the Green Shuttle Bus which would take us to the Courtyard Marriott where we are staying. Please remember at this point, we're exhausted and Val's hip is aparently in some pain. We rode this bus all the way to the end of its route, only to find out that it wasn't the same Courtyard Marriott we were staying at. So we wondered the strange land of San Diego for a little while and then just caught a shuttle bus back. On this bus, Val started crying. It was sad...and awkward...for me. Yup.

So we got off the bus and just took a trolly back as we probably should have in the first place however when we were waiting for the bus the trolly crowd looked like the Hall H crowd i talked about before. So we said fuck that and got ourselves lost instead. But we made it home, and i read some comics and then passed the fuck out.

Oh did i mention i got a free poster and bought the miniseries of a comic called "HELEN KILLER!" Well i did, and i'm proud of myself. Today we gotta pack up again and head to Vegas and hit up some "Elegant Night Life Filled With Beautiful Women With Horrendous Daddy Issues"

Til then,
-Ryan "HELLEN KILLER" Parker.

Today we finally make it.

Today we're finally going to make it to San Diego, California. And Yes, That's awesome.
Yesterday we went down to maricopa where my sister lives and hung out there and traded Val for homemade food.

RIP Valerie Terenzi.

Then my brother in law drugged the cake he made us and we were all mega exhausted on the way back to Anthem where Kelly lives. Except Val who was ridiculously energetic. And then a few wrong left turns later we actually did make it to the gas station where Val, for the first time in her life, pumped gas. And we were so close to getting Diesel.

-Ryan

It's 930 in PST and i'm bored.

It's like 930, i've been up since like 730 and the kids are still sleepin in the next room. and god am i bored. I've been talking to my friend Ted for hours and even called My sister and mother a few minutes ago just to make sure it was okay that i come at some random time today and to pass the time until then. White Men Can't Jump is on Starz and the dog is pretty much the only person around to actually talk to, and she really just wants my food/drink/cigarettes/soul. It's getting hotter out by the minute and should top out about 105, which should be hotter than balls. (Yes that is how a weatherman would say it). More Thunderstorms tonight, but probably no craters. And Craters are more fun than thunderstorms.

This morning is boring. I think i got used to waking up and everyone being like "Move your lazy ass! We gotta go!!!" which is like 90percent val and ed's just sorta laid back and groggy because it's early as balls.

Maybe i'll have some lucky charms...

-Ryan

So i woke up at about 730am Mountain Time in Albuquerque NM, which meant it was 930 back home. I sat up and grabbed my dear laptop who slept next to me (and yes, i put it in sleep mode). I opened her up and nothing happened. So i hit the power button, like maybe it shut itself off for some reason... and while it did shut itself off, it also Bricked. AKA Deadsies. AKA I miss my Laptop already. Apparently that series of HP laptops was crap (this is according to some tech help site that i posted for help on this morning) and i was lucky to get the almost two years i got from it. However, I wish i could have got four or five years from it. The power button turns on some lights and one of my hard drives squeaks a bit, but i don't think its the master drive, and oddly my CD tray will still pop out. My best case scenario is that the two harddrives are still usable. I was also told to try and plug it into another monitor just to see what happens, and i'm pretty sure it won't do anything, but worth a shot i guess. I'll probably wind up tearing the bitch apart in pieces and try to see if there isn't a visible hardware issue.

Anyway, Val was mostly cranky and unreasonable today, and more than anything bitched about the stuff in the backseat. ANd when i was in the backseat i mostly just bitched that she ALWAYS HAD HER WINDOW ALL THE WAY DOWN, which mostly made my life hell because i would literally have to use both hands to hold different things down around the car. Like the blanket, and the monitor of my laptop (RIP) that would flap in the heavy highway winds.

The lightning last night was awesome, even though val said it wasn't impressive, but she just can't find the awesomeness in manly things like Lightning. Lightning is one of the coolest and manliest things in Nature. Also on that list are Volcanoes, Tornadoes, and Meteorites. Speaking of Meteorites we visited some huge crater Val was telling you about. Everyone was pretty hardcore and serious about the awesomeness around them, however the three of us were total assholes and laughed the whole way through. It was pretty awesome, but i'm pretty sure i was the only one who REALLY wanted to see a big ass hole in the ground. And i was impressed. Then i got back in the car and kept on keepin on and made our way to the outlets which were at the very least hilarious, i almost bought douchebag shorts just to fit in when we get to San Diego (and apparently everywhere else in the world.)

I didn't have much entertainment in the car since my laptop died in our sleep last night so i took a crap ton of pictures and most of them are probably unfocused since i took them from a moving car. I should get them on facebook in the next hour or so, either that or i'll get them up in the morning since we're a full day ahead of schedule and can actually sleep in tomorrow.

I'll get to see my new nephew tomorrow (Nicholas Parker Matterson) and when i see him, much like when you call shotgun at the sight of the car, i will call Godfather. My mother, who is also at my sisters house, says that he's awesome, but i'm sure he'll only get awesomer in time.

Well, Til Tomorrow
-Ryan


RIP HP Laptop Dv9000 series (September 2007 - July 2009)

OH MY GOD!

RED.BULL.VENDING.MACHINE. OH MY GOD WHY NOT!? Made it to Phoenix while back. Pretty friggen sweet compared to Grand Ma's house, and yes even the Executive Suite of Albuquerque. Headin' to Ryan's sister's house tomorrow which apparently is child-saturated. Also tomorrow is Comic Book day. Great week as Blackest Night continues and Nova and the guardians rock War of Kings. Naps for most of you, but awesome for me.

So much naps...

Ed "YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!" Hanscom

PS: Green Lantern Guy Gardner was apparently a real person and an astronaut

mssion through mars

Hey gang, thanks to my brilliance, and insistence, we had a little mission today. Where, you ask (or might have asked if this were an actual conversation), did this mission take you young travelers? Oh, you know, just to the most awesomest place you could ever imagine! a freakin' METEOR CRATER! that's right, envy us. really it wasn't all that but it was pretty hilarious, or at least we thought so. Everyone else seemed to be like all about this thing, and there was a museum, and some plaques, and a rock store. but the crater was really the only worthwhile part. No meter to be seen though, as it got vaporized, as the man who spent the last 28 years of his life looking for the alien boulder sould have realized. but didn't. and drove himself and his fat wife to an early grave. Congratulations mister Baringer, i hope your proud of all your work which led to a new branch of science - meteorology. no that's not right. astrology. mediocrity. something. anyway, we're back on the main road. Thus far, we have escaped the hills and their ever watching eyes. Update you when we get to Phoenix.

Val, the alienologist-er

so tired. so cranky. karma for leaving ryan in the back with the windows down.

It's very hot out today. i don't mind. but what i do mind is television. So, our executive sweet in Albuquerque last night was pretty sweet. no flat screen tv though, which made me chuckle. So tired last night because yesterday was my first napless day. I passed out and so did everybody else, but some asshole left the tv on really loud all friggin night which ruined any hope of a restful sleep until i managed to drag myself out of bed at about 4 in the morning (mind you, i woke up at quarter past 5 AM yesterday, plus the no naps) to shut off the tv and almost cried when ed woke up to ell me that the blinky blue-white light wouldnt go out until i turned the tv back on, found a ps3 controller, and shut it off from there. couldn't manage but i think ed got up and did it for me because i was pretty pathetic. Thanks ed. and now i'm cramped in the back seat with the TELEVISION that the boys thought was an excellent idea to bring with us. Point is, boys are stupid. Val is cranky. But Arizona is really pretty.
We stopped just over the border for a quick pee (for ed and ryan and their shmeeny bladders) and lo and behold, t'was a warning posted to keep a sharp lookout for poisonous snakes and insects. Nice. Ed and Ryan got all paranoid about it. I was more excited than worried ut hey, to each whiny little baby his own. just kidding. Anyway, it's off to Phoenix for this merry wee band of three. I hope its great. We'll be stopping by a mall so i can hopefully find a really sweet bathing suit for california. Should be fun. Pls I'm pretty sure there's a really huge mall there. Then we'll be staying two(?) nights with ed's cousin in her home in a country club (Thank You!) and thence to Sunny Diego. Oh, and i just remembered that last night was also puke-fest for me also. whoop whoop. it wasn't so bad except for an inordinate amount of splash-back (NARTSY), which led to my decision to never ever ever eat DQ again, and also never to let ed decide where we stop for food (sorry dear, i just can't trust your judgment). Anyway, on to Phoenix!!!

Love, peace, ad entirely too muc chicken grease,
Valskidoo

PS - much to the disappointment to my male counterparts (and a little bit to my own) the storm we ran into on our way to the hotel last night was hardly impressive. Yup, that's about it.

and when he hears rattling in Texas....

50 miles from New Mexico border and 200 some odd miles to Albuquerque where will stop once again at a Best Western in the hopes of whoring up a couple free nights. This time we get a flat panel TV along with our (hopefully) non-grandma's house of a room. Texas is crazy big, crazy flat, and pretty fucking opposite of Massachusetts in every possible way. Hit some of Route 66 earlier and pretty sure that we almost got hills have eyesed. But still everyone we've met in the south who lives in the south have been ridiculously nice to us. Makes you wonder what they're planning.
More tonight when we transcend time to get to the hotel.

Ed "Running Imperial Blockades" Hanscom

PS: ah fuck it i should be driving

Wanna go to the City of Clinton? Take Exit 69. HAHAHAHA

Oklahoma is pretty, but hot. Really hot. And it's only going to get hotter. We stopped for 'lunch' by the Trading Post and really we just went to the trading post. I bought a t-shirt that says "Oklahoma" and then "The Last Best Place to Live". This is funny to me. Because my sense of humor is borderline infantile. Okay ninety percent infantile. Poop is also funny, but that's just the way it is. Word is we're traveling toward some ridiculous storms and shit, which sounds like a shit ton of fun, but also could be scary. Are southern US storms much different than North Eastern US Storms? Good question me.
Anyway, lunch was not lunch at all, considering none of us ate. We just shopped in the little Trading Post and then got back in the car and had a drink. They had slimfast, and i had a Capri Sun. That's always awesome. But yeah, We're stopping a lot less today and we've been on the road almost 7 hours or so and are about 400 miles out. And on our way to Amarillo, and then Albuquerque. We're still expecting another 8 or 9 hours of driving... or at least i am. We already booked a hotel for the night.

i'm also trying to cope with the windstorm that is being in eds backseat with the windows both open. I think we just hit Elk City. For some reason Oklahoma likes to tell you what famous person this is the hometown of. One city was Carrie Underwoods, this last one said that this was the hometown of some Astronaut i've never heard of. But good for him being an astronaut. And hey look the ground is becoming more and more deserty looking and then back to grass and stuff, but then more red and whatever. Pretty fun to watch the countryside turn into the desert.


and back to the windtunnel and batling anything light enough to be taken by it.
so i leave you with a quote from ed, " Windmills, Windmills, Fuckin'-- Windmills!"

-Ryan

That's no moon

Almost 6 and gettin' ready to leave Little Rock. On schedule so far today. 906 miles to go. Gonna pack up car, quick post whatever. Watched Star Wars: A New Hope last night. Awesome.

Driving....

Ed "I can hold it. I can hold it" Hanscom

PS: we got dicks like Jesus

It's tomorrow at home, but today here.

Yesterday we pushed like hell and did just under 1000 miles. today we did about 550. Tomorrow we're looking at something like 906 to Albuquerque, or a little less to Santa Fe. Either way, we're way ahead of schedule. Also remember that my schedule was that we weren't supposed to hit AZ until Wednesday. My backup schedule, Dad before I left, said 6 days. Clearly we're doing it in four. And honestly, if we didn't decide to have a short day today we could have made it in three. I mean, Sure we're not in San Diego the day after tomorrow, but we could be. It's under 500 miles from Albuquerque to Phoenix, and i believe it's only another 5 hours or so to San Diego (that's according to my sister who lives in AZ). Either way, i think we're gonna hit Albuquerque tomorrow fo sho. Should be awesome. I hear Memphis was awesome, i slept through most of it. I also heard the Mississippi river was disappointing. I slept through that too. I also slept through the middle portion of Smackdown which i was watching at the time, but whatever, it's fuckin' wrestling all you gotta do is watch the PPV's but there just so darn addicting and silly to not watch. So silly infact that i used the word darn. You're welcome internet. Anyway, tonights hotel is superawesome compared to the one in Knoxville. No grandma vibe and i get my own bed, which is awesome. Even awesomer, i have pillows. Two whole pillows! That's two more than i had last night. And that's awesome.

Also, tomorrow we will transcend time once again and enter into the dreaded Mountain Time. I don't know why it's dreaded. An adventure is just not an adventure unless something is dreaded. I guess people dread the south, however, everyone i've met down here so far are pretty much the nicest people ever. My favorite of these people was the asian lady who i held the door for at a really nice rest stop someplace outside of memphis (i think). She said "oh, you're such a gentleman". Picture an old asian woman saying that. Now add that when she said these words she had a deep southern accent. DOES IT BLOW YOUR MIND? It should, because that's how experiences like that are supposed to be, mind-fuckin-blowing. I hyphenated the word fuck into a word that already had the word blow. Shows that my creativity is always intact... as well as my early teens.

We passed by the Arkansas Verizon Arena today and the big electronic sign said WWE RAW! on it and I had to stop Ed from pulling into their parking lot by acknowledging the "9/21" that preceded it. Which means we might be back in Little Rock in september. Haha. Other than that, not much to report. We're leaving in the morning around 6, which should be okay for everyone but Ed who actually has to stay awake through the entirety of the drive. Poor bastard.

I apologize that i'm tired as hell and that it's sort of late and that my brain isn't working chronologically. HOWEVER, we're apparently not supposed to be allowed to book a hotel in Arkansas being under 21. Which is silly. Has no one under that age EVER needed a hotel room? I think they have... or maybe not?
Also, a few miles from here are: the McCain mall, and THE BIGGEST FUCKIN CHURCH YOU EVER SEEN! (i mean that's not a cathedral or some bullshit.) And a Waffle House.

-Ryan "Slut Club" Parker.

PS. the first batch of pitcures are up on my facebook. So if you can access them, which should be most of you reading this, please do so you can see the silliness that we see.

GO COUGARS!

It's Klingon, Val... It'sa K. Anyway here we are in Little Rock and I am fuck-all tired. Old School is on TV and I haven't seen it in forever. ...
15 minutes later...
yeah wicked fuckin' tired. Maybe more tomorrow. For now, its time for a little CoH and Star Wars


Ed "Rogue Leader" Hanscom

PS: Yeah, my car's an X-Wing

I like your booty, but I'm not gay

well, there are two things that the south has lot of, other than nice people and religious propaganda billboards: much interesting roadkill and a whole lot of XXX Adult Superstores. The second one, at least, comes as somewhat of a surprise. As you all well know, Ed wussed out today and we didn't get very far. I believe we're in our tenth state, Massachusetts being our first, and Tennessee, where we stayed last night, being our ninth. Still, i felt that today featured an almost appropriate amount of driving but I totally want tomorrow to be a big push.
Ed keeps talking about the comics and I keep forgetting about them. Yes, comic-con is going to be pretty cool, but since i won't be going in costume as many of the nuts (hopefully) will be (I'm looking for some entertainment), I'm not feeling quite so pumped for it. I jut like trips. And this one is going to be a doozy. Is a doozy. Whatever. What I'm super(soaker)-psyched for is staying at the MGM Grand in Vegas for 2 whole nights. Too bad I can't enjoy the casinos casinos casinos. Ed wants to go to the star trek museum but i think i'm going to pass on that one. Thank you. but there is much to do in Vegas and I haven't got the time to give any clingons even a little nod (this post is it). Anyway, the rides been awesome. Ed hasn't been dangerously sleepy while driving amd i think we're all getting used to being in the car all day. And, it's gettin hotter and hotter the further we go, which is awesome. Tomorrow we should be crossing over into the desert. Lovely. Just lovely. now, i must go use the facility because my bladder s finally full from an unprecedented amount of Amp-a-lamp-skiis. gotta love that guarana!

see you on the other side
lone wolf out

We stop outside Nashville... I didn't break the car. promise.

When we stopped for lunch Ed blogged and set up the best backseat of all time. I set up the TV and the playstation 3 and grabbed a few games and moved everything around. I got Smackdown on my thumbdrive to throw it on the ps3. Before I even got the ps3 plugged into the power inverter or whatever the shit that things called, i turned the tv on to make sure it worked... and ... and... broke the car. Well not for serious, but i blew a fuse and the radio died along with all the fun extras of the car. But all the important stuff kept on keeping on. Locks still worked, and AC and windows and whatever. So we stopped at a gas station and found the broke fuse and bought some new ones. Then ed found that our offer was inadequate and found the spare fuses that were in the car already. But that gives us more fuses to blow if we decide to do something else that sounds awesome and fails. So we already have our hotel for the night in Little Rock, and tomorrow we should end up in either New Mexico or the small bit of Texas we drive through. Either way, i still feel like we're ahead of schedule which is good.

Before this trip my everyone in my family told me how everyone in the south sucks ass, and so far everyone i've encountered are extremely nice people, including the policeman that pulled us over. Pretter impressive for Deliverance-ville (aka the south in general). Ed didn't lie about the next leg of the tour being audio-ed by Our Lady Peace because we're listening to that now, and I'm coming around to liking it more, but i think every new album they put out i start out hating becase i remember when they were a mindblowing band (or atleast to me they were, but when you begin listening to a band at about 8 years old and don't stop, yeah they're pretty mindblowing) but yeah, it's a solid enough album i guess considering they're an old band now and this is their seventh album? Yeah. Seventh Studio album anyway. And after OLP is Manchester Orchestra, then Counting Crows... then probably the Proclaimers. Because everytime i put music on the thumb drive i say "what else do you want" and ed says something like "well, i'd like it to come around again" so then it has to. Because he rules this drive.

Anyway, i think i'm gonna grab the pictures from Val's camera and get them atleast on to facebook, then i'll try and get some on here with some captions. So wait up for those.

-Ryan

and I would walk 500 miles anda I would walk 500 mooooooore...

Yeap it definitely came around again. And will for the rest of this trip. Lunch has arrived just outside of Nashville. Nashville's crazy and I have to agree with the sole female on the trip that it looked kindof like Gotham. Crazy. Even more crazy is the fact that we just now transcended time and went back an hour. What up! Still planning on reaching Little Rock today and thinking bout tryin' for Santa Fe tomorrow. Avoiding all kinds of stars today, I like a 70 mile speed limit that much better. Our Lady Peace's new cd is likely to be the driving music for the next leg. (August 18th bitches!) So yeah, probably Blog this bitch up again later with the updates from today's drive.

As promised some backstory as to the reason for driving 6000 miles total: Comic-con. Comics were not my first love, sports started it and video games continued it. While sports died out in the last few years (to see a fledgling resurgence thanks to my B's) video games continue. Comics however have transcended the normal habits of gaming and sports. A ridiculous amount of ti e and money for hobby. But they are my lifeblood now. The stories and characters give something more than those of books and video games, and the continuous format lets you grow with the characters. I've connected to them way to much over the years with Marvel characters and more DC lately. So here I am over a thousand miles towards the granddaddy of Comic-cons because I love those expensive little bastards.

more on some of the characters and Comic-con itself tonight.

ED "dadada daaaa" Hanscom

PS: there are only so many propaganda signs I can pass before they must be destroyed via sledgehammer.

More and More and More road.

Headed toward Memphis TN within lawful speeds as to not repeat yesterdays mishap. Not alot to look at other than broken down cars and signs wearing t-shirts. Actually, they're just covered in plastic but i like the first way better. Arkansas should be fun when we get there later on today, i mean, it's the worst educated state in the nation, so i hope it's hilarious... hilarious and fat... and the Clintons. We just passed Lebanon which is hilarious. And i'm blogging out of boredom. It kills time. (Both mine and yours). We're currently listening to Josh Ritter and just driving the crap out of this road. This ones only about 200miles. And while we all still want to nap, Val's the only one actually doing so. We pulled into a Rest Area a little while ago (the last one for 96 miles) and saw a large group of people praying. The must have got some great food from the vending machine or something. The bible belt is a silly place. We even just a little ways back saw a bilboard with the commandments on them. I wish that was some sort of joke, but i promise you its not. We must be getting close to Nashville just saw a sign saying 'Nashville Shores'.

Yep, Proclaimers' Got to Be is back on... and i'm almost sick of it. But it comes around again.

Oh, and i totally lied, i never got pictures of the room last night. Maybe because when i woke up everyone was like, We should go... I still got a shower and a hooker and breakfast. Seriously, last night around midnight i put on Friday nights' Smackdown and passed out before the first match even started. I didn't learn til tihs morning that there was an extra pillow in the closet. That would have been helpful. But it doesn't matter because i passed out so hard. And slept straight until quarter of nine. which was nice.

Yeap, i'm running out of things to talk about. Oh look civilization is coming back-- Officially in Nashville.
and where's my yeah boy?


YEAH BOY!


-Ryan.

Fuck that

Okay so the plan was to wake up at 730 grab quick breakfast and leave. About an hour later and I'm still cool with it. Change of destination and exertion today. We're probably just going to try to get to Little Rock or Fort Smith on the border of Oklahoma. The only problem I have with it is what is on TV right now: The Fantastic Four and the Rise of the Silver Surfer and Gala-cloud. It's time to leave before I remember what superhero movies were like before Marvel created their studio and gave us The Incredible Hulk and Iron Man. The bar has been raised and this piece of shit flick can follow Dolph Lundgren's Frank Castle into the annals of Marvel Movie History. Sorry Chiklis.

Anyway gonna get on the rode soon, see everyone at lunch. More on my love of comics and comic-con itself then.

Howdy Y'all and Helloooooo Knoxville!

I figure, as the only girl on this roadtrip, I should have a little something to say about all of this. First of all, it gets really cold in the back seat when the windows are down. Really cold. And as anyone who's driven with Ed knows, he really can't keep it up for very long (his window) for multiple reasons, I suppose one of these reasons is for the sake of his passengers. Number 2 (hahaha number 2), I've also come to realize that I'm an exellent navigator, though Ryan should probably sit in the front seat because cars freak me out so that I'm really not much of a talker. I'm quite a Chewy actually, if you know what i mean, only ever so slightly less hairy.
Anyway, Ed's been doing a pretty swell job of keeping us all alive, despite encroaching fatigue. It will probably be necessary to pick up more beef jerky tomorrow to keep him lively. The boys have not been mean to me (yet) which is quite nice, because I get cranky enough sitting in a car for hours and hours without being heckled. When i told Ed that we should aim for 1000 miles on this, our first day out, he looked at me like I was a crazy person. In fact, he may have verbally indicated that I am a crazy person. But since I know you've read the previous posts, you know just how sane (and awesome) I really am. (Bite me, Ed). Tomorrow we're shooting for OK City, which we can totally pull off and maybe even stop for some BBQ in Memphis along the way. Yum. Anyway, we must all get sleep. I'm gonna go bleach my hair before it gets too late. HOORAH for Best Western room 202! Talk to y'all later, and remember, in order to live vicariously through us you need to keep up with this blog. So DO IT!

goodnight you princes of Maine, you kings of New England (or something)!

-Only the awesomest person in this hizzy, Val

Well that was fun...

Let's see, where to begin.

Previously on Driving with ED:

Piss in a coffee cup
Drive three hundred miles
Avoid the Army until the 6 stars died down
drive 300 miles
Nap please gods a nap
5 miles to nap...
pulled over issued a ticket
Nap

So yeah, got pulled over for speedin'. not my proudest moment, but what can ya do? Well Tennessee is nice. Val, Ryan, and yours truly have made it 955.1 miles towards our goal of comic con, aka San Diego. It's been one helluva trip so far. And we're only like a third of the way through the first half.

As we speed closer to the destination(neah) I'm gettin' more and more pumped about the shit we're actually gonna have a chance to see on Friday. Between panels booths etc, the 12 hours or whatever is gonna be crazy. Marvel panels, DC panels, booths for both, movie panels, web-comic boards, buying comics (does that even sill happen?) Time for naps and sweet dreams of a giant convention center filled with comic fans and movie fans and....maybe I'll just think about the preview of SW: TOR Ima see instead.

ED "Wishes he was Green Lantern" Hanscom


PS: It'll come around again.

Settled Down at Best Western

After... 16-ish hours of driving we've settled for the night in Knoxville, TN. If you all could see it right now (and maybe i'll post pictures later) it should remind you of grandma's old house (anyones grandma) right down to the Tv that you can only hook cable into. You know, just one little cable hookup in the back and that's it. And currently Tru Blood is on. This is on for two reasons. 1) Knocked up is on in like 20 minutes, and 2) Val said to throw the TV on as to not have to listen to Ed pooping in the bathroom. And he pooped his heart out, in all the years i've known the man, he's never once taken a poop that quickly. Shit must have just dropped like a baby on prom night. Wow is that offensive. Christ. Speaking of whom, not far from here we saw a bilboard that said something like "Mommy, i know you were under alot of pressure" then there was a baby hand and then aknowledged the person saying this was "THE UNBORN". The three of us were all pretty much in shock. I think we in the Bible belt now. I wonder if we'll get our balls killed off for not going to church tomorrow morning. it's a good question. But like i said, we've got the set up perfect so at any moment this trip can very well turn into a horror movie. Probably not a good one either. Be short too, cause there's only three of us, unless we somehow find more characters to be involved halfway through just to keep the death toll up.

So since the "Incident" with the policeman. We've driven the same road all the way here. The AAA book said i t was 523.7 miles on that road, however route I81 turned into I40 and i think we spent another 30 miles or so on that road. So altogether 550 milesish on that road. From home we're, and i think this is accurate, 955.1 miles from home. Pretty impressive for day one. I believe our plan for tomorrow night is Oklahoma City. We're covering a lot of ground really quick. And we've listened to The Proclaimers "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" about a hundred times. But it's awesome so whatever. Also, i'm becoming a huge fan of Everclear's cover album (the title is something about Vegas i don't remember exactly, and i'm a lazy prick and don't feel like going to look.) They do 'The Boys are Back in Town' 'American Girl' 'This Land is Your Land' and the Speed Racer Theme Song. It's been a long day of sitting in a car, but it wasn't horrible. Sleepy, and I'm pretty sure ed could sleep for a day straight, but at the same time, i think we're all really happy to be out of the car for the night, the punishment of which will be that we'll all stay up far longer than we ought to.

And then hate ourselves tomorrow. Mostly Ed though because he's doing all the driving while me and val get to do whatever... like Nap.
-Ryan

Road Trippin' get's caught by the Fuzz.

Some ten hours into todays driving (we're only about 11 and a half now) we were pulled over by a state trooper... or as the kids say, a Statie. Or Satan. or something. I was actually completely passed out in the back and woke up and thought, "oh are the kids fighting, there's no music on" then we started pullin over and i was like "Guess ed couldn't find a bottle. Time to piss on some Virginians farm." then a trooper came to the passenger side window and his appearance alone explained the majority of what was goin down. We were being issued a ticket for going 80-85 in a 65 zone. Woops. Lucky we weren't going faster. The fun thing is none of us heard sirens, and even ed said he didn't notice the guy until he looked in his rear view and saw the flashing red and blues. The trooper asked us to move more out of the road which sort of gave us a weird angle into the dirt, but was an extremely nice guy. Ed didn't really reciprocate because of his exhaustion. The officer asked "where you guys headed anyway" his southerny virginian voice and ed answered with this weird growl of a sigh leading into "Uhh, Arizona" to which the troopie (yeah, i'm gonna call him a troopie) said "Hot enough here for you" or something like that. Listening to foreign accents of your same language may as well be the same as translating other languages. Then we all laughed for him and drove to the next rest area where we, well, rested. Ed laid down on a picnic table bench, and me and val washed our nuts (which isn't quite as exciting or odd as it sounds, there was a little foot washer or some shit, i don't know, that was packed with a bunch of acorns. less amusing now that you know we weren't washing our respective testicles.) Then ed sucked down an amp and some cookies and jerky and that brings our day up to speed. We're currently listening to Disturbed's Ten Thousand Fists in the Air album and continuing down the same road as before. Only another two hundred twenty miles on this road.

We're currently doing about seventy miles an hour.
Silly Law.

-Ryan

Back to the Car. another 400 miles or so on the same road...

So it looks like we're hoping to make it to Memphis or so before losing our shit and breaking down crying from being cramped in the car. We actually just spent a good amount of time at the Welcome Center in Virginia, which was strangely well kept and clean. Thanks Virginia for impressing me. And yes, I just addressed a large piece of land. A piece of land which we just kind of picnicked at. I mean, we didn't throw down a blanket and pretend we were all in love with each other (we don't have to pretend) but we were at a little picnic table in a strange place eating sandwiches, may as well be a picnic. I had penutbutter. Val had Hummus (HAHAHAHAHA, true though). And Ed had whatever sliced meat was bagged in the vicinity. He's awesome like that. Anyway, after thirty minutes or so we're back on the road and heading to Elvis' place of life and rest, and also Graceland. Good for us. We've passed some awesome places like Scotland, Lynchburg, Gettysburg (twice somehow, pretty impressive) and atleast forty Targets. We also followed a biker gang (probably not a gang, but just one of those biker get togethers that go from like Jersey to the middle of noplace. Which really just means they were heading back to Jersey, probably). A few awesomely murdered animals on the side of the road, and what else have we past... umm rocks, black aurora xe... yeah, i'm just looking out the window now. County Fair sign... yeah i think this post is donefor.

Hoepfully something awesome will happen by the time i post the next batch-o-shit.
-Ryan

Virginia to the Face!

What up kids?! This your fearless pilot here coming to you from Virginia, yeah. Fuckin' Virginia. you can call m Highball. Been up since 5, 8 hours and 500 miles later and were stopped for lunch here at the side of I-81. The story about me pissin into a coffee cup and chucking it out the window is completely true. Driving hasn't been too taxing yet, no sleep driving as if I was coming back from a tom petty concert. Jesus smells like a goat, I would walk 500 miles will come around again, and the US army college is actually a training complex where they just walk around with grenade launchers. News to me. It occurs to me now that this crazy ass plan may actually end up working. 3000 miles to california, same back. And fuck yeah, I can pull it off.

Ed

on the longest road of almost all time. 523.7 miles. still in PA. Awesome musical playlist though.

Harrisburg by Josh ritter (We were in Harrisburg at the time)
Prophets by AC NEWMAN
Pink by Aerosmith
I'm Gonna be (500 Miles) by the Proclaimers ... it comes around again.
Night Train to Memphis, Santa Monica, and American Girl by Everclear
then Various old Heatershed songs... the best of which was I'm On Drugs featuring Bob Dylan.

This road sometimes smells like a petting zoo.

Momma Hanscom said "Start a blog so i can keep up" so i am. And this is me doing so.

So as of this we're in Pennsylvania which is apparently also Jesusland... I also just saw a tepee. What the fuck is going on in Pennsylvania?

It was raining balls as we started driving at 5am this morning to a mixCD appropriately titled "For Road Trippin (Also For Sexy Times)" and then after that 80 minutes or so i think we may have made it to connecticut or damn close. As it turns out, until you see large bodies of water or palm trees you feel like your in the same god damn state. Even though you're in Jesusland, or So Nyack. Ed brought it to my attention that we should have realized that this place was jesusland as soon as we crossed the border and saw the first town was Bethlahem. I also believe PA was where all the Quakers stuck it out as the entire rest of the eastern seaboard closed their doors to them. I could be wrong, if there's a correction to be made, you should probably get on that shit. Anyway, for the second time this month i saw my best friend pee in a cup. The first time was on the way home from North Carolina when he peed in an *EMPTY* apple juice bottle. He filled it up, and admittedly it looked the same as when it was full with apple juice. And also, that time he wasn't driving through a downpoor. So, the only empty water holding container that was easily grabbable and easy to chuck out the window was a coffee cup. What scared me about this was that when he emptied the coffee cup out the window i got splashback on my face and belongings. With coffee this is acceptable with Piss... notsomuch. However, he sets himself up with a shirt over his 'belongings' (so to speak) and let's loose into the cup. The weather could not have found a better time to give us a washout condition. Mid piss, while driving, vision get's blocked completely for seconds at a time when finally the car ahead of us reemerges. This happens several times (i'm going with about five times) and we give an even bigger distance between us and the car ahead of us and it eventually stops happening with more and more distance.
Then we begin hydroplaning. Awesome. I can only imagine what pissing in a cup is like in a moving car (still yet to do it, we'll see how later/tomorrow/day after/beyond goes) but now imagine it while trying to not kill everyone in the car. Jerking the Wheel... with your penis laying in a cup. Awesome.
Anyway, obviously we're still alive, and obviously ed did not lose his most important body part (i mean, it's not the most important to me, but... okay it's the most important to me) but he finishes his Bid-ness and the window goes down, i lean as far to the opposite side of the car as i can... then i see the lid on it... but i'm still TERRIFIED. He chucks it. I shut my eyes tighter than if i was any one of the characters in The Poltergeist. (I should watch that again...). Then i open them, and ed says something like "Dude, did you see that?" "Sure," I say. "I think i almost pegged that car"

Honestly, i was expecting to look out the back drivers side window and see a big translucent yellow being slowly faded away by the aforementioned washout conditions.

So the good news is, i think there's an ACTUAL piss break coming up. Val's been asleep for a while now, and i've been in and out of sleep myself. Ed just figured out how to use the cruise control, which means we probably won't die since he's at a steady speed. Oh look, we're really stoppin now in jesusland.

-Ryan